Misogynistic tendencies – do something to change this!

This is a blog post from a post called “Our Pardigm”, a blog i would suggest to everyone.

I was not able to reblogg this since it was from another blogging platform, but there’s really not more I can say than the blogger already said, so I reproduce it with full atributes going back to “Our Pardigm”

The Beauty Queen, The Concubine, and The Bitch: An Open Letter to All Women

“Misogyny…hard to spell…easy to practice”

To All Women:

We are coming upon another election year and with every new election cycle and every passing year, comes a much higher awareness of why I need to vote.  On August 27, 2012 the Republicans will descend on Tampa Bay and nominate who they hope will be the future President.  Regardless of party affiliation, that week is an important one. Simply stated, 92 years ago on August 24, 1920, Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment, giving the necessary 36 states for the amendment to pass, thus giving all women the right to vote and although Mississippi chose to not ratify until 1984, women still had won a major battle of equality.  By all definitions, I can call myself a feminist. I’m also a liberal. I’m also a mother. To be more specific, I’m a working mother. I’m a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, an aunt, a cousin, and sometimes a Monday morning arm chair quarterback. I’m all those things.  I am first however, a woman and one that is very concerned about the direction we are headed in as a species. This post however is NOT an anti-Republican rant. There are too many of those around. This is also not going to be an anti-MAN rant. This letter is a plea for the women to stop giving the power away by accepting who they were brought up to believe they were by Disney, the magazines, television, their own culture, and for this generation, reality television.  Making women feel bad about themselves is an industry.  Money is made by making women feel the need to be saved and the need to be more than they are.  Industries are set up to make women believe they are ugly, old, fat, stupid, and yes, even two dimensional.  Well I’m here to say, STOP IT! You are not what they said you are.  This is your life and you should refuse to let an industry define you.  In other words and in the words from  the movie Fight Club, “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”  So…if that is the case, then why be defined by an industry while you live for this short time in history?

The Women’s Rights Movement throughout history has fought for and won the right to an equal voice in society, but I wonder how real it is. Domestic violence is up. Misogyny is at a pinnacle point in history and no one is talking about it. Women are created as two dimensional figures in the media and it’s getting worse. Sometime in the past few years we started seeing women on the sidelines during football games as more than just cheerleaders.  They are called sideline reporters, very pretty, dressed very well, doing the coaches interview at halftime as the “token woman” for the sport.  There is even a website called “Sidelinehotties.com.”  Equality would have them sitting in the booth calling the game play by play and not being the two dimensional sex symbol that we all know governs male dominated sports. Closer to home, women are still bitches and ho’s without judgment through our music. I have worked with young women who actually are o.k. with being called that.  I always ask them, “What do you think the NAACP would do if we started using the “N” word as openly  on television as we use “ho” and “bitch?’ Even closer still, I hear friends speak about feeling like a single mom, while living in a married household. they work, primarily manage the children, and still keep the house. I heard a woman colleague once use the phrase, ” prostitute, nanny, and maid in my own home.” That means that you have sex when you don’t want to, but you do it to make your husband happy, just after cleaning the kitchen and putting the kids to bed.

These issues are real, but I question once again how much has changed. There was an episode of M.A.S.H., where Margaret transforms herself for a man she thought she could love, but the more she transformed herself into what he needed in a woman, the more he wanted her to be more of what she wasn’t.  I venture to say that she was probably one of the most complex and developed women we’ve ever seen on television and much less on a sitcom. In the ten years M.A.S.H. was on the air, she went from two dimensional Hot Lips, seeking love and affection in the arms of a married and callous man, to three dimensional woman who spoke about having a career in a world full of men, the hope for children, and the desire to keep her femininity while still holding a position of power.  At times she showed intense fear and vulnerability, while fighting for the rights of the women in her command.  All of this took place in the 1970’s’, set in the time of the 1950’s. It was a breakthrough for women and somewhere along the way we lost her to Snooki and Kim Kardashian.  As an avid M.A.S.H fan, I have grown to appreciate her more as the years go by.  She is all women, because her character takes us through a transformation from industry female bias to the real life all women live. My favorite episode is one where she tries to celebrate her birthday, while realising how far she hasn’t come in her life, but at the same time realizing who she really is.
I found this tribute to her on YouTube.  It’s worth the time to see the reality of a woman’s depth.

Someone once told me that there is no better hell than to be trapped inside the heart of a man, while living though the fear in both of your souls. I asked what that meant and she said that sometimes a man, no matter how well intentioned, will see a woman as a who he wants her  to be, because she has learned to fear who she can be.  Between the two, the woman never finds herself. We know that when the economy crashed and took many jobs usually held by men, that at the same time domestic violence went up.  This positioned many women as the singular breadwinner in the home and for some forced them into the workplace for the first time in years. In our society many men still feel a need to rescue and women need to be rescued. I don’t intend here to generalize and simplify what is not a statement for all men and all women. I do however know that in our culture, men are taught to  take care of the family financially, while women take care of the home. As far as we have come as a society, that belief still exists and denying it, is dangerous.  As someone who sits on the Domestic Violence Task Force, I have to wonder if the domestic violence rates went up, not because of the stress of money, but the reversal of roles.

Sex and money, the reversal of roles, women as the bread winner and men as the dominate parent don’t always play out as we would like.  As women we lose ourselves too often and we become who we are not on the inside, because our societal role has always been to keep the peace,  keep the home, and raise the kids. I guess I’m wondering how far we have actually ventured out on our own. When I look at commercials, movies, and many television shows, those roles are still very much a part of our culture. I in no way want to indicate that women and men should be so equal that we live in an androgynous society.  I love it when a man opens a door for me and believe to this day that the man should always kill the bugs.   My hope though, is that we at the least start to recognize that there is still inequality being shown to us in multiple ways and that we give our own equality away when we try to make ourselves something we are not, because of some societal belief that we have to be beautiful, young, and for some…kept.   I have watched all week as people spoke out against bigotry at Chic-fil-a.  As I watched the argument unfold though, I wanted to say to everyone that rights and equality are being exploited by a multitude of organizations, upon multiple groups. The criminal justice system is not fair and equal, neither are our public schools, universities, churches, and work places. If you look close enough you see bigotry and the acceptance of that bigotry everywhere. To the women however, I do believe this is in our hands. We are not just the sum of our physical parts and maybe one day we will stand up to that image of the two dimensional image of the beauty queen, the concubine, and the bitch.

I have been watching the HBO drama, “Boardwalk Empire.” It depicts women as many of them were in that time in history.  It shows women as frail, uneducated, dumbed down by men, sex toys for the pleasure of many, house maidens, and disposable. I personally do not want to return to that era of ignorance any more than an African American wants to return to the Pre-Civil War era. I encourage all of you to vote in November. Too many women fought for our right to have it and by not doing it, you put our fate in the hands of others. Vote for Barack. Vote for Mitt. Vote for Mickey Mouse for all I care but vote, because there are decisions that are being made right now that will impact the fate of all women for generations to come.

Sincerely,
Shelba

P.S. Please stop watching the shows that destroy our image and just reinforce the perception of the beauty queen, the concubine, and the bitch.  If you need a list please see below and feel free to add your own.

The Kardashians
Jersey Shore
Dance Moms
Toddlers and Tiaras
Basketball Wives
Teen Moms
The Bachelor or The Bachelorette
Bad Girls 1-45
Girlfriend Confidential
Jersey Couture
Love Games
America’s Supernanny
Cheerleader Nation

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