When I was a kid I would come home and tell my parents someone beat me up and I was asked…what did you do wrong.
I’m an adult…and my child comes home (knowing my child has mental disabilities) and says he got hit by another boy. Being a boy, and knowing how boy socialization works, I ask him what did he do wrong.
One sounds careless to the victims feelings. One sounds intelligent sounding…yet also careless to the victims feelings. Even though I know that when a boy walks up to another boy and the 2nd boy doesn’t move, the next thing is going to be, “what’s your problem?”, a push, a hit, and a fight. Is this the correct way of acting…NO! Is this ok…NO! However, every boy will tell you it’s normal. The problem is how it is handled – the victim is made to be the person who is in the wrong.
The victim is never the person in the wrong!!! This is very hard to understand to our world where we constantly ask the victim: What did you do to make this happen.
This is even worse when it is a DV victim. They asked the person to love them, and the person decided to hurt them.
Just like my son asked to be able to be on the sidewalk att hat moment and the other boy decided to hurt him.
Just like I only asked to be left alone to humm while I did my work, and another boy decided to punch me.
All three the victim was blamed!!
We even do this with other issues as well….it’s the animals (alligators, coyotes, etc) that are at fault because we moved into a habitat they’ve lived in for centuries.
It’s the homeless person’s fault because we believe they could get a job and be more like us.
It’s the babies fault for crying.
It’s the schools fault the shooting happened.
It’s the mall and the people’s fault for the Oregon shooting.
Where are we taught these ideas? Here’s a good idea where:
How do we stop this victim blaming?