You were in a relationship that was slowly sliding off the cliff. No matter what anyone says, we always know when the relationship is going south. When the break up finally happens, it really should not be that big of surprise. When the relationship is over..there’s many reasons to be upset. No matter what you have that sense of loss. That’s normal and human. Then you have that sense of, “If I did something different, maybe it would have worked…also normal, also human. They you get angry. Angry for it happening. Angry for all the things THEY did. Angry for all the things YOU did. Angry for all the things you let happen and said yes to. Then you feel guilty…guilty about all sorts of things. It’s ok to go through these things. It’s called the 5 levels of acceptance.
You have to go through these to finally come out on top, happy, and read to accept the world. However, how long does this all have to last. That’s your choice. I’ve said it time and time again: Choice is everything. YOU choose how you act, feel, and live. You are the creator of your world, and you are the creator of your future. There is nobody else who is in charge of that very big decision for you. Therefore, accept that you have to go through the steps, but never loose your happiness. Never loose your sense of optimism and joy.
But how you ask? How when I’m feeling so used and horrible. How when I feel so…so…bad. These 5 things will get you up and peppy in no time.
1. Remember, you can always do better
The relationship ended for a reason. Either you left them, or they left you. Obviously this relations ship was wrong or had problems. Even if you didn’t see the problems, the person who left sure did. If you didn’t see any problems…that’s good news. That means you weren’t the problem. They were all in the other person’s head…and aren’t you glad to be rid of those
problems. Either way, if the relationship ended it needed to end. It obviously not the right person…obviously. Remember, No matter what, you can do better. If there was something you didn’t like about them, then you can find someone who doesn’t do or have that problem that they did. You’ve also now learned those things you really like in a person, and the things you really don’t like in a person. You’re amassing a list that a person needs to fit into. Nothing too strict..simple stuff: nice to you, respectful, etc. That means the person you begin dating next, will definitely be better…as long as you keep up your standards.
2. Think of the new opportunities.
New opportunities are the best. Suddenly a whole world is at your fingertips! As a single person you have a phenomenally new set of opportunities. If you haven’t been single in a while, explore and do all the things you couldn’t do while being in a relationship. Anything that was definitely off limits, yet you liked – go do them! Get all of the old friends back together. Start actually associating with all your friends now. Go out with the co-workers for drinks or happy hour. Go have fun!
I ran into a friend of mine that just got a divorce after 22 years of marriage. It turns out that the marriage was so violent and volatile she should have left a lot sooner. She was lazily watering the lawn. She smiled at me and pointed out that she was watering the lawn, she would continue watering the lawn, and she didn’t care if there were puddles in her lawn…she was smiling and enjoying herself. Evidently, watering the lawn was a big no no.
Another friend of mine went out to a bar, and when they asked if anyone wanted to come up and sing…he jumped right up. He hadn’t sang in 15 years because his spouse told him he had a horrible voice and he was stupid for wanting to do it. He opened his mouth and a voice like no other came out. He had an amazing voice!
Go out and do those things you’ve always wanted to do.
3. If they weren’t the right ones, then they just aren’t
When the wrong person walks out of your life…it shouldn’t be a big deal. Here’s a news flash: If they walked out, they’re not the right person! That’s it…no more questions! So, now you know whom you aren’t supposed to be with. Now, go find who you are. Many people cannot find love because they don’t know how to love, be loved, or even how to treat people. Learn to treat yourself, and you will learn to treat others. This is very very important. Like attracts and creates like. Find out who you are. Find out what love really is, and how a relationship should look. Seriously think about it. Don’t think about the gorgeous person in the seat across from you, think about the real things that matter. Treat yourself how you want to be treated. Seriously go out to a nice restaurant alone, go to a movie alone, and enjoy the life you want to live.
After that, go test drive some people and see what “types” you like.
4. Why get upset?
There’s an old Buddhist saying that says: there is no good or bad, it’s how you chose it to be.
There’s a lot that can be said for this saying. We are the creators of our own emotions. We are the creators of our perception. If something is god or something is bad it is that way because we decided to see it that way.
For example: Sir Francis drake – A cut throat pirate who looted Spanish ships for their gold and killed most of the men aboard OR A hero stopping the enemy from pilfering what is rightfully his and the people he works for. He is merely helping out his country, his family, and the families of his men. Which one is the true picture of Sir Francis Drake. They are both the same, it all depends on your perspective. The English, who he worked for, he was a hero and celebrated as a great captain and wonderful Englishman that deserved the highest regard. To the Spanish, who were losing gold and ships, he was a blood thirsty pirate who killed their sailors, sunk their ships, and took their gold. they believed he should be hanged for piracy! It’s all based on perspective, just like your view on your break up.
You must decide whether the break up is good or bad, and whether or not it is worth all the crying and self-pity! Is it worth it? No! Get up…start smiling, and get happy. It’s been shown in study after study that just the act of smiling or frowning will help put you in that emotional state. So smile! Keep yourself feeling good, feeling happy, and feeling top-of-the-world! When that depressions sneaks in (because it will!), write down a list of all the reasons it’s a good day, great time, etc. and all the reasons you are ecstatic about being single!
The sooner you decide to be happy, the sooner you will be happy.
5. It’s just a chemical dependency.
Ahh the science of it all. Because if the rest doesn’t cheer you up or get you seeing the world happier….you can look at the basic science and be happy!
What is love and adoration? It’s a cocktail of hormones and pheromones reacting together to change your brain chemistry. When your brain chemistry moves around, and one side of the brain gets more chemicals and dopamine than the other, you’re in love. It’s really not much deeper than that. However, suddenly the brain receptors start to want this dopamine rush. So they ask for more and more and more and more, till they have to have the full body motherload of chemicals- SEX! The stronger these dopamine receptors, the stronger the need for filling these receptors, the stronger the need for the person who is creating these sensations. Does this sound like drug addiction? Good…because that’s what it is. When that person comes around, the dopamine is let out and fills the receptors. When they are gone…and there won’t be anymore dopamine your body goes into detox. These are the dead relationship blues. So, it’s just drug withdraw, pick yourself up! You are better than this, and you have a whole life ahead of you.