We’re always telling kids NO

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I saw this sign and it amazed me. Look at the size of the No. This size of this word is amazing. The amount of things that are listed is amazing. If I was a person looking at this I would think: wow, what can I do?

No doubt, this is exactly what goes through kids heads when they see signs like this.

I was watching TV the other day, a practice I try to avoid because of the negativity and nonsense that is produced these days or ever for that matter. On the TV subject, there is some awesome stuff being created, produced, and developed but it’s usually not for general consumption. Source: I was watching TV this commercial came on where the parent was saying No to the child for everything he asked for.

It got me thinking, and it is a major tenant of motivating for positive change. No wonder kids are sober bilious against so much by the time they get to be a teenager. They’re told know about everything no matter what it is. Oftentimes, they’re told no because they’re too young or too old or they don’t know enough or they’re just a kid. Is it that we don’t want them to do it, don’t think they can do it, or you just want don’t want to deal with it? Most of the time it’s the latter. How sad is that?

By the time a child is old enough to be able to do whatever they want they have already created a list of things that they want to do because they’ve never been allowed to do it. Adults usually only see the negative and bad things, that’s because those are the only things that have survived the constant negative responses. It’s scientifically proven that a negative response will last longer than a positive response. So when kids grow up, their list is created and fueled by negativity therefore the only thing that will be produced his more negativity, this is why we see so much negativity as soon as kids are aloud their freedom.

However, when kids are allowed their freedom as they are growing up they don’t create the list. Kids are told no so much for that they don’t realize that yes is even an option. When I ask adults why can’t I told no so often, you don’t say that it’s because they know better. They also say that because the kids have crazy ideas that will never work. The adults say that these kids are living in a dream world.

On the contrary, when kids are allowed to do the positive things that they want to do they become revolutionary ideas that shape amazing positive things. Do a Google search of kids doing amazing things and you will find kids if created ideas, adults that have agreed that there are ideas could work, and world changing actions that have been done.

Previously, I wrote an article or blog about the whole group of kids doing amazing things and that was only a small sample of what is actually happening. Here’s the real story that I actually watched:

My kids asked if they could have a yard sale. We didn’t have anything to sell so I said no. They pleaded with me to have a yard sale. I said yes and told them good luck. They went outside and begin paintin positive messages on rocks. They painted peace signs, happy faces, and words like love, smile, and kindness. I was proud dad because they came up with an idea where there was nothing, but I didn’t like the fact that they were putting all this effort for purely selfish reasons. I was thinking like an adult.

After about 6 hours of sitting in the hot Florida Sun and selling homemade rocks they decided to pack it in. They brought the table and the two unsold rocks into the house and they were dripping with sweat. They walked up to me and my wife and presented us with two of the rocks, they said love  they said love and peace. Explain that this was a gift for what we have talked them. Then they gave us there $60 that they made  selling painted rocks. Let me say that again $60. I asked why they wanted us to have it. They explained that the whole point of having a yard sale was so they could donate money to All Childrens Hospital, a  local hospital that helps kids with cancer, burns, and very horrible diseases.

Kids will amaze you with their positivity, sincerity, and love. Kids will amaze you at how big their hearts really are. Kids will touch your heart because of how sincerely good they are. Remember, the kids will only reflect what they’re taught. When I asked why they wanted to give their money away.they explained:

Mom Dad…you taught us that its the right thing to do.

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Need money for my family in the rainforest

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This is an advertisement for this nonprofit…yes it’s a real company.

It was a simple idea, create some fingers and a sign…attach it to trees. They raised a lot of money for the rainforest..thank you OroVerde!

When I was 15, there was a Forrest down the road. It wasn’t really that big, it was a lot of land that once was owned by an older man and he planned to put a house on it. Then he decided he would turn it into a park. Then he died. He had no living relatives, and the city kind of just forgot about it. It had been growing for 20 years by the time I moved there when I was 7. 8 years later, a sign was put on the lot that said it was going to be a public parking lot. I was outraged. My mom was outraged, and all of the people who lived around the lot…were outraged. Nobody did anything!  I should have done something…but I didn’t.

A friend of mine did though…he is and has been my inspiration for years. He died of breast cancer.

My friend sat down and made signs that had messages on them. Then he cut out the messages like they were speech bubbles. He tacked each speech bubble to a tree.  There were over 100. As we looked at the tacked speech bubbles, I was happy I helped put them up. He was happy he did it. I was too.

When the builders came to inspect they saw 100 out of 600 trees saying:

Don’t cut us.

What would our children think?

We are a family.

We are not firewood or building material.

I am worth more than a parking lot.

I have value.

There were many many more heart wrenching sayings…and the forrest was turned into a reserve for the animals that lived in it…and it was allowed to GROW.

Such simple ideas to create change….I bet you could do it too!

Chad Herman – Motivational Speaker

 

We must focus on prevention

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As I was speaking to a group of sophomores to seniors in high school we came upon a conversation:

Nonviolence is never going to happen because it’s not a reality.

When I asked why this was, they explained that if someone hits you-you’re going to hit them back. If you see someone hit someone you care about, you’re going to want to hit them back. Hence violence begets violence and violence will never end. They went on to cite examples – holocaust, bombing of pearl harbor, slavery and the civil war, gangs, street fights, and they even had a number of Halo and Gears of War examples.

Another grand example is 9/11. At the onset of the twin towers attacks, everyone was angry. During this moment, a person came up to me and began to spout out a bunch of “hate speech” and how we “need to make them pay”. I explained that wasn’t a great idea. He then asked me: “What if I punched you in the face……wouldn’t you want to hit me? Og course you would. If you say no..I’m going to punch you” I stopped talking and the violent person went away.

changeThe glaring obvious focus was at the point where violence occurs. Why do we deal with when it occurs rather than what causes it?

Prevention! Prevention! Prevention!

If we are living in the world of prevention, then we would never be in a violent situations. We would never be where the violence is going on. We would have prevented it before that.

WWII – preventable if we began speaking to leaders when Hitler was running a Pro-german gang which was part of the National Socialist Party in Germany. Preventable by not ending WWI like it did. Everyone just wanted the war over….but nobody told the Germans that it was all their fault and they were wrong. We just ended the war and punished them.  Punished them into poverty and inflation and destruction. These kinds of punishment and violence will only result in war and violence.

Slavery was preventable when the slave ships first decided to come on over to the Americas. We could have said no! Slavery was further ok’d when the continental congress decided that it was ok and created the 3/5 compromise. When the United States has officially won the American Revolution, they began talking about creating this country. One of the biggest debates and problems was slavery. They decided to ignore it, because too many people were upset about it. If we would have dealt with this problem then…we wouldn’t have had jim crow, equality debates, etc.…it would never have been an issue.

no violence 2Gangs are preventable as long as you understand that Gangs are families for people who truly have no other essence of belonging. There are needs that every member has that is not being met by any other part of society except the gang family. Give the members what they need, and the gangs won’t be needed. However, now we have gone so much farther than that.

The gangs are examples of how we as a society have let the youth down.

Violence is preventable but it needs to be dealt with way before it starts.

We have to recreate the way babies are raised and reinvent what it is to be a parent.

Stop all violent messages we give to children under the age of 3.

Stop the violent ways we deal with people everyday.

non1Stop the violence we see on screens (TV,movie, phone, computer,pad, etc) everyday.

Stop the violence we show everywhere and to everyone!

Every single one of these lines is a cause you can take up. Everyone of these is a problem we are working to end.

Every single one of these is an opportunity for our society.

How can we begin to add prevention in our world?

 

Short story collection sneak peak

Yes, there will be a collection of short inspirational stories.  Here’s just a sample of what you will see:

Enjoy the writing.

Signs to the world

I don’t think I ever knew what I was really doing. I never thought it was that grand of an idea.  Now, a mere 5 years later they’re saying things I can’t believe.  They’re saying that I revolutionized the way people think.  I was in a book store the other day and saw a book titled: Jaime Brim, the man who created the new world.  My own face was looking back at me.  That man I see in the mirror everyday isn’t the man everyone sees me as.  People have talked, lectured, written, and wrote speech about those days.  I’ve been on so many TV shows I don’t know whose desk I’m sitting in front of anymore. They ask the same questions that I don’t have answers for.  So I decided, since everyone is so eager to know, I’ll stop the speculating.  I’ll give you my thoughts and opinions first hand.  I’ll actually tell you what happened, so people will stop asking and stop guessing.  Sometimes though I believe, the guesses sound better than the truth.  I wish I was the Jamie Brim of the books and articles, but I’m just Jame.

 

I was chasing the last of my lemonade across the bottom of a glass on a boring Sunday afternoon.  I was trying to avoid the stuff that I had brought home from work, and the wife was finishing a book she had been putting off for months.  In essence, I was bored.  I finally slurped that last drop up, much to the annoyance of my wife downstairs who yelled at me for slurping.  I knew I needed to busy myself.  I looked over the stacks of proposals, and watched my son play with his friends.  The boys threw a football around while the girls stood on the side lines asking to play, and hating the ball they would learn to hate in different ways once they got older.

I walked downstairs and lured as many neighborhood kids as I could with promises of ice cream and doughnuts.  I piled them into my constant reminder of suburban mediocrity, the mini-van, and drove to the art store.  I didn’t know what I was doing, or why I was going there.  I had dreams of a pollockesque paint fiasco in my front driveway, with all the kids painted head to toe.  The mere sight made me chuckle, and that was enough for me to keep driving with the yells and giggles of a child packed mini-van.  I let them run rampant through the store to the horror and disgust of the old women and shop keepers.  They pulled, yelled, bumped, and destroyed everything they came in contact with.  This type of anarchy was exactly what my boredom soaked mind needed.  After 20 minutes of watching 15 rampaging 6-8 year olds, I suddenly found myself in front of the poster boards section.

Poster boards have fascinated me since my high-school days.  I was always the kid in the group that never did his work and slyly dated a group member so that they wouldn’t be pissed.  I would sit, guilt soaked, as far under my desk as I could push myself, and marvel at the pristine glorious picture that erupted into the classroom from these adolescent masterpieces created with nothing but poster board and washable markers.  As these visions drown out the yells and screams of the kids I looked at the virgin white boards and decided I must have them.  I bought the entire lot of the biggest boards I could.  I rounded up the menagerie and arrived in the driveway faster than you could say play date.

I told all of the kids to run and get every kid they could find and every marker they could get their hands on.  With 5 bowls of leftover Halloween candy, markers, poster boards, and sugar induced hyper activity I started drawing letters on the boards.  The kids colored them with a creativity that any good hyped up junkie or future Disney executive would respect, and we worked into the day.  By the time the street light alarm clock that said everyone had to be in their houses arrived, we sat in the middle of a cluster of poster boards any school teacher would be proud to see covering their floor after group day.  As the kids left and I stacked the boards up, my son asked what it spelled.  I barely knew myself, but then again, it was the plan.  I was told by an old English teacher; if you’re going to write something out of your own head, might as well make it say something worthwhile; so I did.  I told my son I’d tell him in the morning, and I did what every other parent in the neighborhood did that night; forced my kid into a bath he didn’t want, to clean off all of the washable markers.  Too bad they weren’t all markers.

Sunday came around; my wife saw the huge stack of poster boards sitting in the garage and complained about the mess.  In all honesty, I don’t blame her.  Who would want mounds of markers, poster boards, and colored walls decorating her pristine suburban house?  Many of you right brainers out there are raising your hand, but I’ll bet your spouse isn’t.  I called all of the parents and asked them if they would let their kids come over, and told them that there would be a neighborhood parade.  They all loved the idea, and even the kids who didn’t help wanted to be in the parade.

By 9 am, twice as many kids had showed up.  Now, my house sits at the end of a cul de sac.  There’s a short road that leads to the main road in the track and that road leads to the highway.  I only say this so you’ll understand the way the parade was planned.  At the expense of all of the minutes in my shared cell phone plan, I asked all the parents to line up at the end of the cul de sac, and their children would walk pass them in their entire half washed marker splendor.  We put the final touches on the boards, I lined them up, and we started walking.

Let me pause here for a moment to tell you a few things that I did  not know was going on while this was all happening.  Remember, I was avoiding work and bored out of my mind, so I thought a messy, crazy weekend with the kids was a perfect excuse.  The whole parade thing was an idea to keep the kids busy for another day, because my son wouldn’t stop asking what we were going to do with all of the posters.  In reality, I was done after Saturday.  But, kids like to be the center of attention; so why not do something cool for them and their parents.  And maybe, I could avoid work and boredom for another day.  Unbeknownst to me, there was a woman at the end of the culdesac that was a copy editor for the local paper.  The man that lived on the corner of my street that I barely exchanged waves with rushing late to work, was having an interview with a nationwide news channel because of some Tupperware stuff he had created.  If this wasn’t enough, there happened to be a really bad wreck on the highway just off of our road so there were 3 news choppers in the air.  My little boredom induced parade had the ability to become the most publicized event this side of the presidential speech.  So, with these wheels spinning within the wheels of the neighborhood, about 80 pairs of parents including my wife, 100 or so friends of the families, and the other 50 neighbors packed the end of the road to watch their little bundles of joy walk by holding a poster board that they may or may not have colored.

I took the lead, and away we marched into history.  Within minutes, more neighbors and cars arrived.  In 10 more minutes we were half way down my street and crowds were forming on my well manicured deed restricted neighbors’ lawns craning their necks to see the kids with posters.  The children smiled, yelled, hooted, giggled, and hollered.  By the time we hit the crowd at the end of the road a mere 15 minutes later, 4 news vans, 3 helicopters, a dozen reporters, and every proud parent watched us make, what has now been called, the most revolutionary statement in the history of our country.  We stopped at the highway and put down our signs.  I began collecting boards 35 minutes after we left the house.  The crowds descended on us like locust.  First the parents, then the bystanders, and finally the paparazzi.  We had no idea what we did, but the kids took every piece of attention they could.

Sitting at home that night watching the commentators of CNN talk about my plea to the governments of the world, I laughed and guffawed like I have never before.  My wife was irate that I would be so daft to not take this seriously, but in reality, I had no idea that it was that serious.  To me, it was myself and a bunch of kids with poster boards trying to escape the boredom of the summer.  Who would have thought that a bunch of kids, a bored corporate worker, some markers, and some white paper could do so much.  I mean really, are these that strong of words:

Please stop the fighting.  Just be nice.  Just try to get along.  If not for the earth, for us.

I guess they are.  Since I’m sitting here talking to you, it seems they are.

 

motivatingforpositivechange.com

Kids ending violence and creating peace

kids for peace

Kids for peace.

This seems like a novel concept, especially since it’s the kids that grow up that cause the wars, the violence, and the destruction.

What happens between 8 and 18, or 12 and 22 that makes people believe that the only way to solve a problem is to destroy, hurt, or decimate?

I asked a 3 year old why they wante4d to hurt someone and they said, I don’t ever want to hurt someone. I asked a 5 year old to tell me why they wanted to hurt someone and they told me because they hurt him. I asked a 14 year old why they wanted to hurt someone and they told me because they hurt him. I asked a 20 year old why they wanted to hurt someone and they told me because they hurt him and they deserved it. (An interesting increase in violence. The person who is getting hurt deserved the violence because of what they did. Suddenly, the 20 year old is dooling out consequences much like a parent. Wait…didn’t they just become an “adult”..probably not a coincidence.) I asked a 38 year old why they wanted to hurt someone and they told me because they needed to be taught that this isn’t ok. (Still as a role of parent and teacher now.) I asked a 50 year old why they wanted to hurt someone and they told me because they weren’t going to let them get away with this. (Now there’s the fear that this act of negativity won’t go unpunished, a nd that is a big fear that makes people take matters into their own hands.) I asked a 70,82,88,and 91 year old why they wanted to hurt someone that hurt them and they told me: they don’t. They explained that violence isn’t the answer. So it seems we come full circle….at the begging in and end of life, we don’t think violence is necessary at all.

Pablo Picasso, the great artist, walked through a kindergarten art display and stood in amazement. When someone asked the great master what he thought he said, “I’ve tried all my life to draw and create art exactly like they do.”

This is a major comment to the innocence and beauty of a child’s mind. They see the world as a very simple place.

There are things you shouldn’t do:hit, hurt, steal, be mean.

There are things that you should do: be kind, congratulate, be happy, have fun.

The adults come over and tell them that the world is much more complicated than that….is it?

This website is dedicated to kids ending violence, isn’t that what we are all wanting?

http://kidsforpeace.com/Kids_For_Peace_-_Make_a_Wish_and_It_Will_Come_True/Home.html

 

motivatingforpositivechange.com

Why do we stop young people from doing amazing things?

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We choose how our world will operate. Too often the youth of the world, believe they can’t do anything. So many times all the pre-18 group hears is – NO. Sadly, the pre-18 group has a lot of AWESOME ideas. Why do they have these ideas…because they haven’t been tainted by all of the rejections yet. Therefore, they can and will let their ideas flow uninhibited. Every great person in the history of the world had great ideas as a child or a teen, but had to wait till they had “experience” or “a name” to actually bring it to the forefront of history, and then change it.

We need to stop silencing our young people with the stench and putrid carrion of ageism.

Think about what we tell the future inheritors of this world:

You have to do what the adults do, what they say, and learn to be more like adults. Learn to be more like Adults?  Aren’t they the ones that put us in this predicament in the first place?

changeThen the adults decide who you are supposed to be, and what you are suppose to think.

Being younger means that you have fresh ideas, fresh thoughts, and fresh views of the world.

However, one must decide what is good and bad for THEM. They must decide what their going to opt 4. Of course young people need guidance and structure, but they also need room to grow, experiment, and truly believe they can change this world.

Remember, no matter the age – You are the person who can and will change your world. Do you like the name calling going on in your world? Do you like the bullying? Do you realize that every piece of violence imprints on every one of our brains…adults and us.  Do you like all the violence you see around you? Do you like all the violence you see on screens (TV, movie, video games, etc)?

What else bothers you, gets under your skin, or simply is just “wrong”? Do something about it. Now more than ever, pre-18 year olds are changing our world. I mean look at our social media – Facebook, twitter, linkdin, words with friends, etc, etc…all created by a pre-20 person.

There have been kids that talked back to a bully, stopped a town from using plastic bags, reinvented how a national magazine does things, and even gave their life for gender equality. The pre-18 group are already doing amazing things, let’s help them recreate the world that is theirs in the first place.

How can you help a pre-18 group or person in your community do something amazing to change the world or at least their part of it?

How long do we have to work for this?

beI was visiting a friend of mine in a “Assisted Living Facility”.  She is an able bodied woman who can do a lot of things, but she is forgetful and her 2 strokes have left her footing not what it use to be. After the 6th fall – she decided she needed some help.

well, as I was there she was showing me all the awesome things that were around the complex. She also showed me the bus schedule to EVERY cool place anyone of the 70+ age range would want to go. We eventually ended up at the shuffle boards, it seems the whole place eventually gravitates to this area during sundown. It also helps that the shuffle board area looks out at the Gulf of Mexico…a great place to hang out and watch the sun go down over the water.

One of her friends, Glady, asked me what I did for a living. I explained that I educated people about preventing domestic violence.

ghandi2Her eyes grew twice their size, then slowly dropped to their normal volume. She sighed and went back to watching the sun. A few minutes later, she touched my arm again and asked what the statistics were now.  I explained they were 1 in 4 women would be a victim and 1 in 9 of men would be a victim. She sighed again.

Just as the sun peeped out of existence and people started to wander home, she patted me on the shoulder. She smiled and told me this story written down the best I can remember:

When I was a young gal I helped battered women…my mom as the first person I helped. I told my grandpa what was happening. Grandpa came over with a shotgun, there was a struggle and the next day mom and I patched three holes in the hallway. However, dad was never seen again and mom smiled a lot more. When I was 19 i got a job as a secretary for a hospital. A woman came in with a split lip that needed 5 stitches from a fly ball.  This was 1951, there weren’t many women out playing ball those days. She sat down and told me her tale of abuse – I was flabbergasted this happened to more people than just my mom. I told her to call her dad…he’d do something. But she was fatherless. The nurse sewed her up, and she left.

Have a seat...and help end all violence!

Have a seat…and help end all violence!

In 1961 I became the first victim advocate, and I opened my house to any woman who needed help. My husband helped, and we built an add on that looked like barracks for people to live. He and I got weapons permits and weapons to match…those men didn’t come around after some buckshot went over their head. Then I got on the women’s lib bandwagon…I even have some of my old buttons. That was the day…we were really doing something.

Now, I hear that this is still going on and the stats are even worse. How sad is that!  Then she raised her voice: How long do we have to fight this________  ________ ____________ abuse? (You can fill in the cuss words) I worked to end abuse and maintain women’s rights for decades, and my husband died still at his desk at a women’s shelter as I did an intake form. Up and had a heart attack right then and there.

How long does this have to go on?

When I got done listening to her, I was amazed! her question was very heart felt and a question I have to ask many many times.

For when we talk about and spread the positive...it happens

For when we talk about and spread the positive…it happens

In Pinellas County,  there are two women who are directors of Domestic Violence centers. they have both spent their years fighting for the rights of women and fighting to keep their centers open. They have held victims hands as the blood ran from their face. they have stood next to victims as their abuser yells and glares at them in a court room. they have lobbied congress, the senate, and the state. They have enacted laws, legislation, and movements that are remembered and used to this day.  They, like Glady, were on the lines when women’s rights and VAWA were being decided and discussed. they have made money, they have given money, they have given their voice, and their lives to end domestic violence once and for all.

Both of these ladies began their career working to help victims, create gender equality, and end domestic violence. Now, both of them are close to retirement age, and we are still working towards the same end that Glady was working towards so many years before them.

How long does this have to go on?

How many children have to be taught to act like this?

How many homes must be destroyed?

The real question – How will we, the next generation, change this status quo?