Why it’s not good or bad..it just is

An interesting true story:

A man was looking for a daycare for his daughter. He found a great one, and a few days later the day care closed down. He saw this as bad. He enrolled his daughter into a new “home” day care, he loved that day care. He saw this as good. That day care was closed down a year later. He saw this as bad. He put his daughter in yet another day care, and she graduated into kintergarten. The man say this as good. She got into the new school, but there was a really nasty little boy who picked on the girl. The man saw this school as bad. The school also had 2 other kids, the kids of the “home” day care lady. The man didn’t have a feeling about this.

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Good and bad are judgements of a situation. A situation is good and bad dependent on how you see it.

A bit of the back story on this little tale (but this wasn’t found out till almost a decade or longer later).

1. The first day care was closed down because of sanitary and conduct reasons. It was listed as a great daycare at the time, but the litigations hadn’t been prosecuted yet.

2. The home day care was run by a lady that would eventually become the man’s wife.

3. If the home day care wasn’t closed down, the man would never have met the woman again.

4. The little boy turned into a very giving gentleman because of the teachings he learned from the little girl and the man.

 

isWe judge situations as good and bad dependent on how it affects our life. This is a very selfish way of thinking. This way of thinking is created out of the “me” mentality that we often see in our world.

Let’s take this another way:

Let’s say a boy was born and not given a name. The birth certificate would have to be filled out…it’s a requirement of the law. (Why?  Because we as a human culture need things to be named and described otherwise it can not be identified and thereby judged.) But let’s say we circumvent the law and this boy has no name.

What would people call him?

Hey

YOU

Boy

Kid

Who knows. It’s would be whatever the people who came upon him would call him. However, no matter what people decided to call him, it would be wrong. Because the boy has no name, therefore he has no label to be called.

Would this nameless boy be a real person…even though nobody would have a name for him?  Would he exist?  Of course he would, we just couldn’t label him as anything. He would just be a boy…no name, no label.

This is the same as all situations. All situations exist in time and space. There is no denying their existence. However, we feel the need to label them as “good”, “bad”, “fun”, “neat”, etc. All labels are based on perspective, your life situation, and how you perceive the future given this moment in time. In reality:

is1Since every moment, just is!  Couldn’t we see the positive in every moment? Couldn’t we see how every moment has the opportunity to make us smile.

See the positive and the happiness in every moment…it’s there, just as the opposite is there. When we see a situation unfold, see it as positive…no matter what it is. WE have been taught to see things in a negative connotation so much, that is our go to answer. The beautiful thing about the brain…we can change that!

So lets start changing this view point.

Let’s start creating positive Change!

motivatingforpositivechange.com

 

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Bullying all people via the internet

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/tennis-busted-racquet/rebecca-marino-quits-tennis-because-bullying-social-media-175955476–ten.html

Imagine for a moment…

You find out that you have an ability. You work towards that ability and hone your skills. Because of the time you were born, the opportunities you have, and the opportunities you have made yourself….you become “the best”. remember the difference between “the best” and the “good” is usually a very thin line…but you have surpassed that.

But this is only one side of you.  In all other ways, you’re a normal person. You have worries, fear, self doubt, etc. You’ve grown up, as everyone else has, with built in concerns and chemical imbalances…but your ability rises you above all of that, and allows you to deal with the world.

Suddenly, when you are at the top of your game….the media microscope and the social media deluge begins.

The above article talks about Canadian tennis star Rebecca Marino who is ending her Professional, almost Wimbledon status, because of online bullying.

Many would just say…get over it.

However, lets take a day in the life look at online bullying. We’ll take a sports star like Rebecca:

You play a game. After the game, you will receive on average 300 tweets. 200 of them will be negative, and will be brutally yelling at you to “die, stop playing” and also criticize EVERY piece of your game in directory ways…using words you’ve never ever wanted people to use against you. Also, much of the criticism will be things you yourself are already beating yourself up about. You know the mistakes you made. Then they will attack your personal life, your body, and then come the comments about your body and what directory thing they want to do you.

Then these same ideas and comments are on facebook, Yahoo, blogs, and even the news. At the end, it’s like 2000 people standing around you criticizing and demeaning every single thing you have ever done.

This idea of online bullying is getting worse and worse and unless we do something about it, it will destroy more and more people. Rebecca Marino is making headlines because she is leaving tennis at the top of her game…but what about the people who are caught in this at the beginning of their game, life, etc.

Suddenly, because people are behind a screen and have a keyboard they believe they can say and do whatever they want…they are allowed an opinion because they can give one. We are losing our humanity and our ability to be nice.

Put up a youtube post about being positive, write a post about being a positive person…and the immediate comments will be negative and work to attack every piece you said. Is it because what you wrote was wrong – no. Is it because the facts are wrong – no.  It’s because they can.

We are all living inside of a fish bowl right now, and the observers are making comments faster than the observed can process it. Also, these observations are cruel, mean, and because we are world wide…pervasive.

We need to end online bullying…what can we do to end it?

Can every blog say something about it on one day?

Can we set this up?

Who wants to set this up?

The power of a thank you

Always give thanks to all people!

Always give thanks to all people!

I had to get milk this morning. This is a normal action we all do…getting milk. Mine, was a little earlier because I didn’t have any milk for the kids’ cereal or mine. I slipped into real clothes and groggily headed to the store. When I got there, the manager was just opening the doors…YAY!  Now is not the day to wait for a store to open, especially since my kids have to catch a bus in 30 minutes.

In the middle of the parking lot was a yellow school bus. I walked past it thinking about how small I was compared to the grill. Then I thought about how small the kids must feel next to this behemoth.  When I got to the door I noticed a woman sitting on the bench, relaxing and looking at her phone. She wore a shirt identifying her as a school bus driver…the bus must belong to her.

This is what happened:

Me: Hello.

Awesome Bus Driver: Hi.

Me: I just wanted to say thanks. (I held out my hand to shake her hand.)

There are so many ways to say thank you...pick one

There are so many ways to say thank you…pick one

Awesome Bus Driver: I’m sorry?  (She looks at my hand and lightly shakes it.)

Me: I just wanted to thank you for driving a bus and being a bus driver. (Awesome Bus Driver smiles and ear to ear smile, looks around, and chuckles) I know it’s a hard and thankless job. My kids rife the bus and I just wanted to say thanks.

Awesome Bus Driver: Uh….UM…Ok. I ….have never been thanked. Um..You’re welcome. (She pauses for a long moment and sighs) It’s not an easy job, and the next school I go to is really hard.

ME: Well, it’s great that you do it. And, I for one am in awe and gratitude for you doing it. And, I, and all the other parents in the world, are always glad that the kids get to school ok…thank you.

Awesome Bus Driver:No problem. You really made my day. Wow. Thank you so much. Thank You. I think I’m going to facebook this right now. (Smiles with a smile that goes on for miles.) I’ve done this for years and years and nobody has ever thanked me or given me a kind word…just do your job.

ME: Well I think it makes you pretty amazing.

As I walked into the store to get my milk, she got in her bus and went off to the school she didn’t like with a smile in her heart and on her face. Who will benefit from this: Her in so many ways, and every persons he comes in contact with.

Who could you thank today?  How about tomorrow?

You just made my day!

You just made my day!

motivatingforpositivechange.com

 

If we all did 1 thing

I sat on my front porch and listened to the kids play. Unfortunately, it was playing they were doing. They were teasing. We’ve all been victim of teasing…and it always sucks. I decided that this was an oportunity to change things…but when I got up, suddenly something amazing happened. A child stopped everyone from teasing. They started pointing out the positive qualities of the child. Then they asked if the others could see positive qualities about the child. Then she pointed out the problems the other kids have…and the fact that everyone plays with peopel who have problems. Then playing resumed.

Wow!  That one child, did 1 thing…and changed everything. Did that child transform the other kids…..obviously. The kids are playing together to this day, and the teasing hasn’t began again.

I went out to give kudos to the child, whomever they were, and there standing amongst the neghborhood kids was my daughter. Wow, I guess I’ve reached one.

What if we as adults all did one thing?

If we all did 1 thing to help others everyday – an amazing transformation would take place.

If we all helped people be happier – an amazing transformation would take place.

If we all decided to help change the world – an amazing transformation would take place.

If we all chose one thing to change in our society – an amazing transformation would take place.

If we all chose to promote nonviolence – an amazing transformation would take place.

If we all chose to end relationship violence – an amazing transformation would take place.

If we all chose to stand up and speak out on domestic violence – an amazing transformation would take place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc8ZbVcdHpg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Please help transform our world!

motivatingforpositivechange.com

”This world doesn’t make sense”

Work to make people aware of those who have this syndrome

If you have a child..raise your hand.

No doubt more than one of you are raising your hand.  When you’re a parent, or even a guardian or a big sibling, you expect certain things from kids and how they act and react.

What happens when none of the parenting works?

What happens when the only thing you can think of is physical harm?  (Oh, I know…many parents are saying..NOOOO DON’T…and then some are saying “that’s right”).

Here’s a small clip into a little boys world. He was born and his life was great up till 5.  Suddenly, at  5 everything changed. The things that use to be done for him, he was now told he had to do. This had never happened before, how could he do it, how could he manage to do any of these things. These were adult things; he had seen adults do them.  How was he supposed to be able to do them.

Every day was hard. 10 days after his birthday he just couldn’t handle it anymore and he cried. He cried for 2 days…nothing would change it. Suddenly, he saw a movie that changed everything. But he wanted to watch this movie again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again (I know you’re like…I get the point, but you don’t if there aren’t 30 more “again’s)

Then came 6. I remember the fateful blood curdling scream 2 months into that year: I HATE 6!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why?  Because he had to learn to make his bed and tie his shoes. He was also asked to…WRITE!

Writing…a fate worse than death. Writing his letters 10 times took 20 minutes each. First there was the crying, the throwing, the fits, the anger, the slamming, the tearing, the breaking pencils, and then…letter B. When he found out there were upper and lower case I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

People are strangers and will always be strangers. There are 2 types of people, friends and family and them. Now at 9, he has 1 friend, but he is often asked to leave because he won’t do the exact thing he is suppose to. Parallel play and playing the same thing again and again is expected. Why doesn’t anyone want to ride their bike around the block 100 times?

Food can’t touch on the plate.

Darkness hurts when it touches and so does certain fabrics.

There is air in your eyes that has to be let go.

I HAVE to do things, and if I can’t…my mind explodes and I yell until I can do them! I just can’t control it!

Welcome to Asperger’s syndrome!

So many people look at these kids and write them off with a “What a bad kid. Control your kid.”

Nobody pays attention that this is a form of autism…it’s actually called high functioning autism. For those who have it, this world makes no sense to them. For those that have it, it’s an up kill battle involving consequences, rules that are always changing, and patterns that are attempted to be kept but others break them all the time. It’s a world of ear piercing sounds that nobody else is bothered by, fabric that feels like it is cutting your skin open, and veins that are burning. These aren’t make believe, this is real.

How do you tell them that their brain is wrong?

You don’t…you educate and help. Asperger kids look and act relatively normal until you’re around them for a minute, and then everything goes crazy. They do thing you don’t understand and how our society tells us kids aren’t supposed to act. People believe they are doing things for attention, constantly lying, and just wanting to piss adults off. In fact, they are just trying to make sense of the world around them amidst people who don’t understand them.

This leads to abuse, destruction, and that turns into anger towards them and from them. After enough torture, pain and abuse are normal…and ager is all they know. They are created to be a problem because they were misunderstood. In fact, our jails are clogged with undiagnosed aspergers, diagnosed and misunderstood, and those that have just been abused into the reality that fighting is the way of life.

Help them!

Write about it.

Read about it.

Volunteer and just be with them…because so many won’t take the time (even their own parents).  These kids are often treated like the bad dog that nobody wants. They are mazing people, with awesome talents and ideas that just have to be found and shown to them.  There are so many opportunities in this area to raise awareness for them, for the bullying that is being perpetrated against them, the child abuse against them, and begin paving the road for all families to find answers and the way to a greater and better way of life for these families and these kids.

Educate yourself.

Become aware.

Do something and change the world!

What other challenges do kids with aspergers have?  Have you ever known anyone with it?

How do you make a difference in the world – Stand up!

To truly understand this amazing video imagine this for a moment:

You are born into a world where it is overtly obvious that you are a second class citizen in the eyes of everyone around you and especially your country. Also, you realize that you are a second class citizen because of your gender…that one little chromosome that makes you male or female. That one little leg of the chromosome and BAM you are less than the males.

Now imagine that you watch all of the adult women in your world lament about their lack of education..in very very hushed words. You have dreams and hopes that you know other people are allowed to have…but you aren’t allowed those dreams and hopes because of who you were born as.

Then you found out that you were going to be one of the lucky few that was able to be educated…not as much as the boys, but educated nonetheless. The more education you got, the more people around you got angry. The government tried to stop the annoyance around your city…but it was glaringly obvious that because of your gender and the fact you were getting an education, you were looked down upon.

Now add the fact that multiple countries were occupying your country and you saw military jeeps, tanks, and listened to gunshots ring in the air as you walked onto the bus, went to school, learned your lessons, and came home. You could feel your house shake from the bombs sometimes. Because of your education and your parents, you knew that the war was for civil rights. If they won the war, you were able to keep doing what you were doing. If they lost the war, you would become a captive who has no rights except what the males tell you to do.

In school you write a paper about the rights of girls and women. It gets publisher and it becomes a world wide phenomenon. You get awards and lots and lots of praise. You are standing up for whats right.

On your bus that morning, men board your bus and the last thing you remember is a flash…..you just got shot in the head for standing up against what was glaringly and obviously wrong!

This is Malala’s story, and now that she is healing…she is keeping up the fight.

This is the story of all of us. This si the story of how to fight against a cause that you feel that strongly for.

This is a story of pure good…and how we all have it in us.

So, how do you change the world…by taking a stand against what’s wrong in the world.

As Ghandi said: I alone will do right, even though everyone is doing wrong.

What will you stand up for?

February is Teen Dating Violence month, let’s rename it

healthy rel

Did you know February is Teen Dating Violence month.

First, let’s talk about the name itself. “Teen Dating Violence Awareness”. This means that we are bringing awareness to teen dating violence. I think we need to change all of this….starting with the name.

Yes, we all need to be aware of teen dating violence, but why don’t we become aware of what a healthy relationship is?  Why don’t we become aware of what it is to treat a person right, respectful, and generally a decent person? Why don’t we bring awareness to the healthy relationships that are actually out there?  There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of great relationships out there…..where are the examples?  Where are the kudos?  Where are the “ata girl” “ata boy”?  Instead…we become aware of the violence. Intervention groups will say, if “they” don’t know what a unhealthy relationship is they won’t be able to find that they are in one. The intervention groups will also say that everyone must see what abuse is because we never speak about familial abuse, so they will never know what is wrong or right.

healthy rel3How do we learn math?

We are explained the concept. We are explained the definitions we need to know. We are explained how to do the math. Then we are given examples.

Are these examples of how not to do the math?  NO!

Are these examples of how the math looks when it’s done wrong?  No!

Are these examples of what the problem looks like after it’s done wrong,a nd what the grade would then look like?  NO!

Are these examples of the multiple times in history that this math has been done wrong?  NO!

Are these examples of all the way it could be done wrong?  NO!

Are these many examples on how we have to pay attention to ALL the things we have to look out for if it is done wrong?  No!

healthy rel2Are these examples of the way your parents learned it, so you won’t make those mistakes?  No!

After the examples, we are then asked to try it…this would be called homework.

(This si what we do when we speak about teen dating violence…by the way)

When we do the homework….we bring it back and accept the criteria that has caused us to do it wrong and then are educated by someone who knows how to do the math as to what we are doing wrong.

Then we do it right!  Yay us!

In my opinion, this is how we should be talking about dating…not giving these crazy examples of the bad…but give awesome examples of a healthy relationship. Awesome examples of the good.

Go out and find examples of people who have GREAT relationships….there are many out there. Go out and find relationships that are simple awesome. Focus on the greatness of love…and if it’s anything else: leave, or safety plan to leave.

Who are great examples of healthy relationships that you know of?  Why?

healthy rel 1