You were in a relationship that was slowly sliding off the cliff. No matter what anyone says, we always know when the relationship is going south. When the break up finally happens, it really should not be that big of surprise. When the relationship is over..there’s many reasons to be upset. No matter what you have that sense of loss. That’s normal and human. Then you have that sense of, “If I did something different, maybe it would have worked…also normal, also human. They you get angry. Angry for it happening. Angry for all the things THEY did. Angry for all the things YOU did. Angry for all the things you let happen and said yes to. Then you feel guilty…guilty about all sorts of things. It’s ok to go through these things. It’s called the 5 levels of acceptance.
You have to go through these to finally come out on top, happy, and read to accept the world. However, how long does this all have to last. That’s your choice. I’ve said it time and time again: Choice is everything. YOU choose how you act, feel, and live. You are the creator of your world, and you are the creator of your future. There is nobody else who is in charge of that very big decision for you. Therefore, accept that you have to go through the steps, but never loose your happiness. Never loose your sense of optimism and joy.
But how you ask? How when I’m feeling so used and horrible. How when I feel so…so…bad. These 5 things will get you up and peppy in no time.
1. Remember, you can always do better
The relationship ended for a reason. Either you left them, or they left you. Obviously this relations ship was wrong or had problems. Even if you didn’t see the problems, the person who left sure did. If you didn’t see any problems…that’s good news. That means you weren’t the problem. They were all in the other person’s head…and aren’t you glad to be rid of those
problems. Either way, if the relationship ended it needed to end. It obviously not the right person…obviously. Remember, No matter what, you can do better. If there was something you didn’t like about them, then you can find someone who doesn’t do or have that problem that they did. You’ve also now learned those things you really like in a person, and the things you really don’t like in a person. You’re amassing a list that a person needs to fit into. Nothing too strict..simple stuff: nice to you, respectful, etc. That means the person you begin dating next, will definitely be better…as long as you keep up your standards.
2. Think of the new opportunities.
New opportunities are the best. Suddenly a whole world is at your fingertips! As a single person you have a phenomenally new set of opportunities. If you haven’t been single in a while, explore and do all the things you couldn’t do while being in a relationship. Anything that was definitely off limits, yet you liked – go do them! Get all of the old friends back together. Start actually associating with all your friends now. Go out with the co-workers for drinks or happy hour. Go have fun!
I ran into a friend of mine that just got a divorce after 22 years of marriage. It turns out that the marriage was so violent and volatile she should have left a lot sooner. She was lazily watering the lawn. She smiled at me and pointed out that she was watering the lawn, she would continue watering the lawn, and she didn’t care if there were puddles in her lawn…she was smiling and enjoying herself. Evidently, watering the lawn was a big no no.
Another friend of mine went out to a bar, and when they asked if anyone wanted to come up and sing…he jumped right up. He hadn’t sang in 15 years because his spouse told him he had a horrible voice and he was stupid for wanting to do it. He opened his mouth and a voice like no other came out. He had an amazing voice!
Go out and do those things you’ve always wanted to do.
3. If they weren’t the right ones, then they just aren’t
When the wrong person walks out of your life…it shouldn’t be a big deal. Here’s a news flash: If they walked out, they’re not the right person! That’s it…no more questions! So, now you know whom you aren’t supposed to be with. Now, go find who you are. Many people cannot find love because they don’t know how to love, be loved, or even how to treat people. Learn to treat yourself, and you will learn to treat others. This is very very important. Like attracts and creates like. Find out who you are. Find out what love really is, and how a relationship should look. Seriously think about it. Don’t think about the gorgeous person in the seat across from you, think about the real things that matter. Treat yourself how you want to be treated. Seriously go out to a nice restaurant alone, go to a movie alone, and enjoy the life you want to live.
After that, go test drive some people and see what “types” you like.
4. Why get upset?
There’s an old Buddhist saying that says: there is no good or bad, it’s how you chose it to be.
There’s a lot that can be said for this saying. We are the creators of our own emotions. We are the creators of our perception. If something is god or something is bad it is that way because we decided to see it that way.
For example: Sir Francis drake – A cut throat pirate who looted Spanish ships for their gold and killed most of the men aboard OR A hero stopping the enemy from pilfering what is rightfully his and the people he works for. He is merely helping out his country, his family, and the families of his men. Which one is the true picture of Sir Francis Drake. They are both the same, it all depends on your perspective. The English, who he worked for, he was a hero and celebrated as a great captain and wonderful Englishman that deserved the highest regard. To the Spanish, who were losing gold and ships, he was a blood thirsty pirate who killed their sailors, sunk their ships, and took their gold. they believed he should be hanged for piracy! It’s all based on perspective, just like your view on your break up.
You must decide whether the break up is good or bad, and whether or not it is worth all the crying and self-pity! Is it worth it? No! Get up…start smiling, and get happy. It’s been shown in study after study that just the act of smiling or frowning will help put you in that emotional state. So smile! Keep yourself feeling good, feeling happy, and feeling top-of-the-world! When that depressions sneaks in (because it will!), write down a list of all the reasons it’s a good day, great time, etc. and all the reasons you are ecstatic about being single!
The sooner you decide to be happy, the sooner you will be happy.
5. It’s just a chemical dependency.
Ahh the science of it all. Because if the rest doesn’t cheer you up or get you seeing the world happier….you can look at the basic science and be happy!
What is love and adoration? It’s a cocktail of hormones and pheromones reacting together to change your brain chemistry. When your brain chemistry moves around, and one side of the brain gets more chemicals and dopamine than the other, you’re in love. It’s really not much deeper than that. However, suddenly the brain receptors start to want this dopamine rush. So they ask for more and more and more and more, till they have to have the full body motherload of chemicals- SEX! The stronger these dopamine receptors, the stronger the need for filling these receptors, the stronger the need for the person who is creating these sensations. Does this sound like drug addiction? Good…because that’s what it is. When that person comes around, the dopamine is let out and fills the receptors. When they are gone…and there won’t be anymore dopamine your body goes into detox. These are the dead relationship blues. So, it’s just drug withdraw, pick yourself up! You are better than this, and you have a whole life ahead of you.
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A little bit ago I begin commenting on all of the teachings of the Tao Te Ching. I was doing well till I read a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer titled: Change your thoughts, change your life. This book is just that…all of the tao te ching verses explained and commented on. By the way, he does a wonderful job and I highly recommend it.
However, I did keep a few pieces because they meant so much. Also, because they gleam a thought that I’d like to share.
The 14th verse of the Tao Te Ching: “Discovering how things have always been brings me into harmony with the way.”
Everything on this spinning planet is part of the natural world or what we have decided to call-Nature. We live in harmony with nature. We always live with nature. We, the human beings, often forget that we are part of this delicate natural balance just like everything else is. The Tao is asking us to remember this, and remember that nature and the natural way of things has been around a lot longer than we have, and the closer we connect to it – the better our lives are.
The 45-degree tilt of our earth creates the seasons in just the right way to allow the entire planet to strive. The sun comes up; the sun goes down – day and night. These circadian rhythms allow our world and all its inhabitants to live their normal daily lives in perfect balance and harmony. The balance is so great and so accurate, that it has been working for centuries without our help at all.
Go out into nature! Observe what’s going on out there. The birds are given homes, food, and a place to play. They’re given enough of their own kind to live and flourish. There are enough animals around to allow the meat eaters to eat and be happy. When the meat eaters are done, the scavengers arrive to clean up the scraps, the decomposers arrive to put the nutrients back into the ground, seeds fall into what the decomposers have created and create foliage, and the plant eaters that the meat eaters want to eat become full and content on the new plants. The water cycle works in perfect balance as well. All the water that falls or that is condensate eventually makes its way back to the sky and back to the oceans of the world. These cycles and rhythms of nature have been going on perfectly for a great number of centuries. The same waters the dinosaurs drank are the same water that you put in your fish bowls and the same water we use to make our pasta.
The balance is the way things have always been. The more connected you are to this balance, to this rhythm, the more you are part of “the way”. “The way” is a term the Tao Te Ching uses for the way to be at peace and happy with all things!
If your world is going insane and you’re worrying about everything, you are not connected to “the way”. If you are stressed out, you are not following the natural ebbs and flows of the natural world. There will be ups and downs. There is good and bad. Yet, these are the judgements we pass. No matter what, everything is in balance as long as you’re happy. As long as you’re happy you’re on the right path. As soon as you are worried or upset, you are identifying with the human form, the human world. Remember, the human world hasn’t done that many great things for this planet that has lived and breathed on its own for many many centuries. Somewhere we lost touch with this balance. If you were to talk to a frog and ask if he was worried, he would have no idea what you’re talking about. There is only the happiness of living and the caution of keeping up with the balance. If you’re unhappy, change the things you can and accept the things you can’t.
Things are not happening to you – they are just happening. You’re deciding if they’re good or bad.
Above all – just be happy with the way things are going. If they are going this way, you wanted it to be this way. If you didn’t want it to be this way, you would have changed it. If you haven’t changed your life situation and you are unhappy with it…what are you waiting for?
Everything is not as bad as it seems – I promise!
Chad Herman and his company Motivating for Positive change
Chad Herman’s entire goal is to motivate and inspire people to change the world!
Chad Herman (visionary and Motivational Speaker) favorite quote: “If you don’t think you can change the world, then you need to change your mind.”
The Blog: You’re already on the blog….so check out the other stories that have been written on this blog. There is a lot of information and awesome ways YOU can create positive change! Chad Herman writes the blog in order to inspire and motivate people to take up a cause or create positive change in some way!!
The Website: Motivatingforpositivechange.com : Check out the website. Remember, Chad Herman can be hired by anyone, any group or organization, and any company to come speak to them. Chad Herman can show, inspire, and motivate anyone to get out there do something to change this world for the better and truly believe they are someone who can do just that! He can motivate people to believe in themselves and the power they have inside to do great things that will create positive change…even if it’s just believing in yourself and being more happy.
Through humor, personal experiences, and a high energy dynamic personality; Chad can show anyone how they can do more than just be upset about the state of the world and their community – They can Change the World! When they are done listening to him, they not only know they can Change the World…but they are motivated to get up and go do it!
You’ll find Chad’s pricing is reasonable and will work for all budgets.
What does the price include:
- 1-2 hr Presentation tailor made to your group or audience
- Leadership/motivational/inspirational class if requested
- travel (and lodging depending on location)to and from venue
- multimedia presentation including video, music(guaranteed), and high energy powerpoints (if needed)
- Showcase of your group on the blog and facebook about the awesome things your group is doing
- Continued posts about your group as you send it to him.
- Emcee and motivational promotions while at the venue
The Facebook page: Motivating For Positive Change – Go like the The motivating for positive change facebook page. The facebook page is another way to motivate and inspire peopel to change the world, and is an extension of his speeches, books, and events. This is a venue where you can connect direct with Chad and his vision of a less violent, happier, and more positive world!
The book store: Chad’s books: Buy them or download them today: Chad’s multiple books are another extension of his goal of motivating and inspiring peopel to change the world. This book store is also a venue to showcase Chad’s writing: poetry, prose, short stories, blog compilations, and Motivational Books. Chad is a prolific writer and has been earning awards for his writing since he was 10. Chad’s writing graces the internet is various places, Voyager II spacecraft, the Indianapolis Airport, Literary magazines, webzines, and multiple blogs and websites. When you buy Chad’s books you not only get a great book with great and inspiring writing, but you also help Chad achieve his vision of a more awesome, positive, and nonviolent world!
The Youtube Channel: Experience Chad Herman’s presentations like you were in the audience. Chad’s youtube channel is a channel unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Just like being in front of Chad at a presentation is an experience in itself, watching chad on youtube is just the same. As one viewer said, “it’s the most motivational 3 minutes that I’ve ever seen. In fact, even my 4 year old stopped long enough to watch you [Chad].” The channel is always being updated and always being added to. Check out the past videos, and watch for the new ones.
Chad gives you so many ways to become motivated and inspired to change the world….check them out and begin today!
It’s the worst feeling!
You’re driving around in your car. You might be singing, talking on the phone, listening to your gps, talking to your passenger, or simply sitting with your thoughts. Suddenly, without warning, your car starts to slow down. The gas, the ignition – nothing! Nothing is making your car go. You’re stopped! The thing about your car stopping is that it can happen at anytime, at any moment, in any weather, and anywhere you happen to be. Whether this happens in beautiful weather or horrible weather it stinks! Most of the time, it just so happens you’re stuck in a lane with traffic zipping by both sides. You can call a tow truck, but you’re still going to have to sit there in the middle of the road with people yelling at you, beeping at you, and possibly hit you because they were paying attention to a “i love you” txt. The ebst thing to do is get it off the road, but it’s really really hard to do that by yourself.
We as people have a moral obligation to help other people (please protect yourself as well though. If you gut says no, don’t go!) Everyone is going through this life doing the best they can for the situations they are in and the gifts they were born with. They are searching for happiness, searching for love, and searching for peace just as you are. We all run into problems, and we are here in communities and societies in order to help our neighbor. But what are you suppose to do when you come across someone int he middle of the road?
I come across people stranded in the middle of the road all the time. When I help these poor people, they tell me stories about how they’ve been sitting in the middle of the road for 20 min., 30 min, and even up to an hour and a half just waiting for someone to help them. Many people say this happens because the world is getting worse and worse. The other thing I hear people say when I tell them stories like this is that people are too selfish to stop and help someone else.
I decided long ago, I can’t and don’t want to see the world like this.
Instead of the theory that the worldis becoming worse (a view every gweneration has when watching the next generation). Instead of the theory that all people are selfish. I propose the theory that: People just don’t know what to do when they see someone stranded or “broken down” in the road.
Therefore, in response to this theory I’m going to help the world out. I’m going to show you step by step how to help people who are stranded in traffic.
Step 1: Find out if they need help
If someone is stopped with their flashers on in the middle of the road, you can’t assume they need help or want help for that matter. There is a myriad of reasons why people stop in the middle of the road. From stopping to yell or repirmand the kids, fixing the drinks, or even sneezing.
The reasons for not wanting help can range from gender socialization to help is already on the way. In fact, many people are taught never ever to accept help from a stranger. Because of the large number of rapes in our country (1 in 3 women), many women do not want to accept strangers’ help…justifiably so!
- Step up to the car 4-6 steps from the door.
- Ask through the window if they need help. (Don’t access them to roll down the window because that is an attempt to gain access to their car, and that just frightens people)
Smile! (Smiling people’s drops people’s guard and shows that you are only trying to help.
- Ask if they need you to call help (it’s always a good idea to call for help before you do anything so you can get them on their way)
- Explain that it would be a good idea to move the car and you’d be happy to help.
- Ask to help them move the car.
- Accept their answer!
Step 2: Help!
Once you’ve established that the person is in need of help, you need to get the vehicle out of the way of traffic. Most cars are easily pushed and if the driver can help you, the 2 of you can easily push it. BUT, where are you going to push it?
The best place is always a parking lot. Look for a parking lot that has a driveway that isn’t that steep. Pushing a car up a hill isn’t fun.
Remember – The closest parking place might be behind you!
What if you can’t push it?
If you and the driver can’t push the car, get some help. Ask every driver, pedestrian, shop owner, walker on the street, etc. to help you push the vehicle. Remember that you decided to do this so you’re the one telling everyone where to go and who needs to push where. Also, once people start pushing, good people will pop out of the woodwork to help you. I promise!!!
Step 3 – Clear Traffic
When people are pushing a car most people will look out for you and try to move out of the way. What if there are a lot of cars in the way, you’re on a busy road, or you’re in the middle of an intersection? You’re going to have to get everyone out of the road with out getting hit and with out upsetting the other people.
In the middle of traffic – Have an idea of where you want to go and how you’re going to get the car there. If you’re in doubt ask the driver and the other people pushing. Always ask the driver if they’re ok with their car in the spot you’re going to push it too. Begin asking people if you can push the car in front of them. Go up to each car that will be affected and ask if you can cut in, if they’ll wait for you, etc.
If it’s in a bunch of cars moving – Politely ask people to stop by putting both hands in front of you and then waving them over your head. These will definitely get people’s attention, but it might not get them to stop. The ones that will stop, run over to their window and ask if they’ll please wait while you push this car in front of them. They have the right to say NO, and that’s ok. However, some will say yes. It’s always a good idea to ask them to help push if they say yes…what do you got to lose? Last ditch effort, just start pushing and hope people will not hit you. 90% of the time, they won’t!
Step 3 – Make sure Everything is OK?
Once you have the car safely out of traffic – Breath a sigh of relief that you’re done!
Ask the person if they’re ok. See if you can do anything else for them: Call a tow truck, call the police /paramedics, or call a relative. If someone’s already coming, ask if they’d like to you to stay with them for a bit.
Remember – This person just went through a traumatic experience and they may not want to be alone. Empathize with them and ask if they’re all right. Once they’re ok, go back to your day knowing you did a great thing!!!
If it was an accident, stay there to be a witness.
If you are mechanically inclined, offer your services.
In this way, you are now helping others and helping make the world a better place. Remember, every person who passes you is learning from you. They will pay it forward and the world will continue to become better and better.
Now everyone…you know how to help, all you have to do is go out there and do it!