I went to speak at a middle school and I watched people pushing each other, yelling at each other, and even punching each other. It was like a crazy free for all of violence.
The teachers settled them down and I was introduced.
I walked out and faced the crowd and the violence still existed. I am began speaking and the violence was there. It was ridiculous.
So I decided to change the speech I was going to give. I was suppose to motivate them to do good in school, but how does someone do good in school when they are either in fear, or wrapped up in games of yelling and hitting?
I told this story(by the way…yes this is true): A person walked up to me and began yelling. The person was so close to me and so far in my face that spit was hitting from their yelling.
I stopped the story and asked people to raise their hands to tell me a nonviolent way to stop or diffuse this situation. I took answers for about 20 minutes. The sad part was…only 1/8 of the people I took answers from had an ability to explain how to deal with the situation. Most people told me they didn’t know, but they did have a violent way of ending it.
Of course, everyone has a violent way of ending things, but what about the nonviolent options? There are tons of ways to end this type of situation:
2. Explain you would like not to be yelled at.
3. (Check yourself…someone is yelling at you, do not react to the negativity.)
4.Speak tot he person with “I messages”. I’m feeling attacked right now.
All violence and abuse stems from the inability to accept and understand and the use of power and control to get what you want..
UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT…This person is upset. This is the only way they know how to express themselves when they are frustrated. Its amazing how many people were never taught to deal with their anger or just act out how their parents dealt with their anger.
Understand that they are doing the best they can.
Understand that they are merely acting out what they know.
Understand that they are asking to be educated.
Understand it’s not you, it’s them.
(Remember…we always have the ability to control ourselves, but we never have the ability to control others.)
Accept that they are angry.
Accept that you are probably not the reason they are angry (even though they perceive it that way).
Accept that they are doing the best they can.
Accept that you can change this situation.
Accept that you will not be angry….someone yelling at you is not a reason for anger or violence(No matter what you’ve been taught)
Once you have understood them and accepted them as a human who is angry and is merely lashing out as a learned action or a learned coping mechanism, now you can deal with this situation.
1. Speak calmly.
2. Ask them wehat they are trying to accomplish by yelling.
3. Ask them if they believe (martin Luther King/Gandhi) was a good person. (This will set them off base and answer honestly. If they say yes, explain that they believed in nonviolence and they are currently going against their beliefs. This really does work. This is how I calmed the person yelling at me)
4. Ask how you can help resolve the situation.
5 (If you can’t resolve it) Ask the people if they feel better after yelling, and explain you will be happy to help them out.
6. Offer to help!
Creating nonviolence is the process of reweaving the fabric of our culture.
Nonviolence is a way of life, a way of speaking and a way of living. Nonviolence is not the absence of violence, it is the increase of acceptance and understanding!